It’s been a long year and a half watching the American presidential campaign. Never before had I taken such interest. Never before was it so entertaining. I don’t know who’s provided more yucks: Ben Carson, Donald Trump, or Alec Baldwin playing Donald Trump, even though Alec didn’t do anything except repeat things Donald Trump actually said. But now it’s over. I’d like to say I’m glad it’s over, but instead I really feel as though it should continue on for another month in the hope that it will straighten itself out. Given added time, maybe Bobby Thompson will hit a home run. Maybe Joseph Welch will say, “Have you no decency, sir?” and everything will be fine. But they’re both dead. So what are you gonna do?

Obviously I’m not thrilled with the way the election turned out. Many other people are actually despondent. This includes people on other planets. But I’m trying to put on a brave face. And in doing so, I’m reminded of the Youngblood’s song from the sixties, “Get Together.” Maybe a review of the words, in case you don’t remember them, will add a little perspective to the whole situation and help to reunite all Americans as one:

Love is but a song I sing
Fear’s the whey weed eye.
You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry.
Though the something something is on something
And you may not know why,

Come on people now!
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another
Right now.

Do you feel it? Do you at least feel like maybe we can give this thing a chance? Yeah, I don’t either. And I’m not sure if the Youngbloods are saying “right now” at the end or “riot now.” It’s hard to tell with the way they break that one word up into two different notes. Also it talks about smiling on your brother which pretty much leaves women out in the cold on their own, so this may not be a good song to use for the purpose of encouraging harmony.

In lieu of harmony, though, I think some degree of comfort can be taken in remembering that we traditionally elect someone with more “quirks” than you or I might have. And sometimes we even go further than than. For example, we’ve elected sex addicts (John Kennedy), psychotics (Teddy Roosevelt), uncouth bullies (Lyndon Johnson), dim bulb hypocritical mass murderers who freed the slaves so they could be Union Army bullet cushions (Abraham Lincoln), paranoids (Richard Nixon), criminals (Richard Nixon), the easily distracted and led astray (Bill Clinton), people incapable of forming an opinion on anything including lunch (everybody between 1837 and 1900), and now someone who is a Donald Trump. I could also go on at length talking about the parade of whackos that we let run Europe, Asia, and Africa when we were all living there over the last millennium too, but I’m sure you’re rolling your eyes now, saying, “Oh, yeah, them.” So why do many of us find the outcome of this election so distressing? It’s because for the last eight years the person in the White House has been an intelligent and capable human being and we somehow got it into our heads that this was normal. Well, it’s not. And while having Trump as president is way, way, way, way, way worse than, say, Rasputin, it’s not the end of the world. Yes, it’s the end of American democracy, but the rest of the world will carry on, so maybe we should look at the big picture and stop being so self-absorbed, even though as Americans that’s really what we do best.

This election has left me shocked. And as unlikely a companion as it might be, not in the least bit surprised. We’ve let the Louder Left poke the bear for the last thirty years, and now that it’s woken up pissed we’re all stunned and saying, “Wha’ happened?” So, okay, let’s just make a note of that going forward. As a takeaway from that I’d advise easing back on being outraged and offended in the future except that the early polls have indicated there will now be ample reason for being outraged and offended. Hope you saved some up. This time could actually be a boon for many in America as they no longer will have the burden of having to make stuff up to be offended over. Real stuff will actually be delivered to your door.

That said, you annoyed Republican folks could have spoken up earlier about feeling slighted, before electing as president an ill-mannered illiterate profligate with the attention span of a chimpanzee–simply to make a point. Also as a side note, I would like to say to everybody who couldn’t support Trump and didn’t like Clinton and consequently voted for Ronald McDonald: Thanks for nothing. I’m sure you feel good about yourself having followed your inner voice, but that wasn’t the objective. The objective was to keep Trump out of the White House. Perhaps you missed the memo.

So we have a new playing field before us. Really an entirely new game. This brought about by the New Republican Party. Consequently there will need to be a few new rules. While the rules don’t change for the Democrats, the Republicans have some alterations they need to adhere to. Firstly, you can’t ever again refer to yourselves as “The Moral Majority.” Prior to the word “Majority” you may insert some other word of your choosing that also begins with “Mor–” (for the sake of maintaining a degree of tradition, should you wish), such as “The Moray Eel Majority”, or “The Morton Salt Majority”, or whatever other “mor–” word seems appropriate. But “Moral” is right out. Also, you’re not allowed to use the phrase “family values” unless your intent is comic irony.

I’m exhausted from all this. And as I look toward America’s immediate future, having been born a Chicago Democrat, having drifted to the right, having drifted back to the left, and having danced around in the middle, all I can say is, “Pack the cats, we’re moving to Japan.” We’ll come back in four years. I don’t know if America will be any better in four years, but I think that’s as long as I can go eating fish. I’m taking this one step at a time. Sayonara.