Still Panning For Presidents


As we move into the final stretch of the presidential race, here’s an update and some of my personal observations for all the people who may have stopped paying attention to the political news because it was making them sick.

Up until just recently Donald Trump has been firing up the crowds at his rallies by booming over the P.A. system the Rolling Stones’ song “Start Me Up.” One can assume he selected this song without actually listening to the words. Like the ones at the end. But it wouldn’t be like Donald to actually listen to what somebody else was saying, so the selection is not surprising. That said, the Rolling Stones have given him a cease and desist order in regard to playing “Start Me Up.” It’s not that they’re not getting their royalty fee, it’s just that just don’t want to be associated with Donald Trump. This begs the question of how much of a politically incorrect obnoxious ass do you have to be to offend the Rolling Stones? (this is the canary in the coal mine, Republican people, please take note of it).

Backing off her hardcore stance on getting tough on crime that she took back in the 90’s with the support of the three strikes law and the 1997 Crime Bill, Hillary Clinton is calling for a repeal of that bill, as it is too severe, as well as that of the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act (RICO), saying that the latter disproportionately targets Italian-Americans who drive Lincoln Continentals. She is also retracting her statement—made during a speech at about the same time—that urban gang members were “predators”, saying now that what she meant to call them was “soup kitchen volunteers” but there was a problem with the teleprompter that night and so she had to ad lib and come up with something off the top of her head which was a somewhat similar term. She was just a little off.

Also backing off from previously made assertive comments is Speaker of The House Paul Ryan. In 2012 he referred to people on welfare as “takers.” But recently he has stated that this was a terrible thing for him to say and he’s going to have himself flogged. I assumed this sudden exorcism of self-admitted evil was caused by only one thing: one of the Republican nominees asked him to be their vice-president running mate at which time he was told that people on welfare get to vote. Or somebody actually performed an exorcism on him. One or the other. But I think the former is more likely. But then Trump got the nomination and asked Ted Nugent to be his running mate, so the whole thing is moot.

But Ryan continues to let the light shine down upon him and offer up his two cents whether invited to or not. And while he has softened his opinion of people on welfare, he has not similarly cuddled up to Muslims, as in April he said local police need to beef up their patrols of Muslim neighborhoods. I assume this is to thwart any potential terrorist from building a bomb on their front lawn. Or perhaps he was thinking of the police doing stake outs. Not a bad idea provided the homeowners under surveillance don’t close their living room drapes. But beyond that, or prior to it, I can’t help pointing out the impracticality of this concept of beefing up the police presence in Muslim neighborhoods—whatever it’s supposed to achieve—given the dearth of American cities that have urban enclaves referred to by the locals as either Little Syria or Muslimtown. So, good luck finding a starting point for this particular exercise. Perhaps this will be launched during the Christmas season and the police will just drive around until they find six houses in a row that don’t have a crèche out.

But in final news about Paul Ryan, who I have now spent more time thinking about at one sitting than any other previous Speaker of The House and some of the Beatles, I am pleased to report that he has refused to endorse Donald Trump. Good man, Paul. We’re proud of you. I mean that sincerely. And in response to Ryan’s lack of support, Sarah Palin—the other canary in the coal mine—has vowed to do everything possible to destroy Ryan’s political career, which given her power in the Republican party is probably going to be at best leaving a bag of dog poop on his front porch, setting it on fire, and running back to her car.

Oops, never mind. Paul Ryan today said he and Trump took a steam bath together and everything’s cozy. Well, too bad. But at least Republican John McCain is still standing firm on not endorsing Trump, which is not hard to figure following Trump’s comments that McCain was a loser for having been captured by the North Vietnamese and spending five years in a POW camp being tortured while real heroes who weren’t captured fought on in the war and—oops, never mind, McCain just endorsed Trump today.*

*(You know, if this was Russia or America a hundred and fifty years ago these people would be having duels, and one of them would be dead. I kind of respect that. It would also be a lot easier to write about what they think in a timely manner.)

Getting back to the Trump nomination, while I have not always seen eye to eye with conservative Christian Republicans, I now must ask them this question: Where are you people??? You’re seriously letting Mephistopheles run for president? You know there are actually people on the radio, who have high ranking jobs in the world of business, government, and religion—even from other countries—who are not comedians, and as far as I can tell don’t have any sense of humor at all—giving their opinions on the American presidential race and just in the course of casual conversation combining Donald Trump’s name and Adolph Hitler’s in the same sentence? I have literally either heard or read Donald Trump’s name be coupled with Hitler, Franco, Stalin, and that nutcase former mayor down in the Philippines who just declared himself dictator. This is not normal. Conservative Christian America, this can’t possibly be your guy. Say it isn’t so. Half of America is waiting, welcoming, and depending on you to jump in here and help fix this.

The fact that we have not only Democrats but Republicans as well, viewing this presidential race and saying “What in the hell happened?” means we have a seriously broken system. We need to start fixing this immediately. Maybe we can start by talking to Bernie Sanders and see what ideas he has. But in the meantime, should for any bizarre reason Donald Trump win the election, and through his big stupid mouth get us involved in a war with China, I want all the people who voted for him handed a rifle, a toothbrush, and a one-way bus ticket to Fort Benning before anybody else. All those in favor say aye.

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